Peace and I’m out

Are my eyes deceiving me? Sony is actually doing a good job with the killzone 2 commercials.

What happen to giving your opinion on games? I recently gave my opinions on the horrid controls in the Resident Evil demo and I got a puddle… lake… no a ocean of responses that ranged from …

“Thats how resident evil plays dipshit.”

and my absolute favorite…

“Keep crying just so you can get hits on this pathetic excuse for a blog. You know it’s resident evil you know what the controls were going to be like and you still cry and bitch like a 3 year old.”

I would like to respond to the comment above. I knew what the controls were going to be like in Resident Evil 5 and that is the problem. Resident Evil 4 came out in 2005 and the controls still haven’t changed. Nothing has changed the only thing Capcom has done was put a shiny coating of next generation paint on the game. Graphically it looks amazing but game-play wise the game is suffering from  what plagued the Tomb raider games in the two previous generations. The Tomb Raider games that came out in the playstation and playstation 2 era suffered from horrid controls that were outdated and it seems like the Resident Evil franchise is heading in the same direction.

I really think that the argument about the tank like controls adding tension to the gameplay is a bunch of crap. Tension should be created within the atmosphere. I hate to keep bringing up Dead Space but the tension and creepiness of the game was created by the atmosphere not by the controls.  Also it could be argued that Resident Evil lost its creepiness. I for one used to be horrified by past resident evil games but this one seems to be going the action route. With that said I would like to ask you all a question. Should Resident Evil 5 controls reflect the games new found emphasis on action?

Will the full game deliver?

Check out my full review in March when the game releases.

Peace and one love

Turricane

5. Big the Cat (Sonic Adventure)

The Sonic Adventure games have always been a mixed bag for me. The sonic adventure games suffered from video game bipolar syndrome. Playing as the speedster Sonic the Hedgehog was a blast but  probably one of the things that held this game back from becoming a classic was playing as the various other playable  characters. But one of the worst characters to play with in the game was… Big the Cat. Playing as this exceptionally obese purple cat was clunky and seemed like he had no place whatsoever in the game. Also did I mention the horrible character design.

4. Voldo (Soul Blade, Soul Calibur)

Voldo is actually my favorite character to play as in the Soul Calibur series but the design of this character is amazingly freakish. Voldo looks like a corpse that has been sexually tortured by a dominatrix. Wow… now I can’t get the image of sexually frustrated corpses out of my head. Thank you Namco for making me vomit.

3. Navi (The Legend of Zelda: OoT, MM)

Navi was the fairy that accompanied Link throughout the course of the Nintendo 64 Zelda games. Navi was actually a helpful character in the game. Navi gave you helpful hints when you got stuck in the game but there was a point when she begin to help too much. Navi turned into something that was similar to a over active kid. Navi would repeatedly tell you to:

Listen….hey…hey…listen..hey…hey..LISTEN…HEYHEYHEYLISTENLISTEN!!!!

I desperately wanted Link to slice the glowing piece of matter in half.

2. Jiggly Puff (Pokemon)

Let’s get this out in the air now. I hate Pokemon and I’ll probably always will but I hate Jiggly Puff more than anything else. I know I might sound mentally unstable when I say this but I always had visions of myself holding a sawed-off shotgun and blasting a massive hole in this pink balloon’s body.

1. Lester (Lester the Unlikely)

The videos and pictures speak for themselves.

This morning I turned on my Playstation 3 and went to the playstation store and to my surprise I seen that the Resident Evil 5 demo was available to download. I was excited and I have to admit that I’m a Resident Evil fanboy. I heard how some of the journalist was praising this game so I couldn’t hardly wait to play it. My wait turned to one hour because apparently my modem must have drank some syrup out of Lil Wayne’s Styrofoam cup because it was moving slow. After the wait was over I started the game and my eyes were dazzled by the beautiful visuals. These were visuals that in my opinion surpassed Metal Gear Solid 4 and Gears of War 2. I was having a visual orgasm without even starting the game. Looking at Resident Evil 5 visuals was seeing a beautiful woman kissing another equally beautiful woman… AMAZING… Wilt Chamberlain Scoring 100 points in a game amazing (That’s a NBA scoring record for all of you who doesn’t watch sports).

But the honeymoon ended and reality showed it’s ugly face that looks similar to Rosie O’ Donell’s rear end. Beneath the pretty graphics lies a broken game. Chris Redfield moved like a elderly person driving a wwII tank… super super slow. These controls were perfectly fine four years ago when Resident 4 came out for the Gamecube but this is next gen. While I was playing the demo I kept asking myself these questions.

Why can’t I shoot and run at the same time?

Why can’t I walk backwards and shoot?

Is Chris Redfield supposed to be a trained special forces operative?

Damn, It’s my girlfriends birthday and I forgot to buy her something… do I have enough money?

Why am I asking myself these questions?

The answer to that last question is simple because I wasn’t enjoying myself. Plain and simple Resident Evil 5 isn’t a fun game. Instead of being immersed in the game you are worried about which button to press and the limitations of the character’s movements. I’ve played Dead Space, Gears of War, Uncharted and all those third person games had fluid and seamless controls. At this point I enjoyed the recent Alone in the Dark demo more than the Resident Evil 5  demo (Yes that’s right I went there).

I know what I played was a demo and the controls could be drastically improved by release but as of now I’m greatly disappointed. Capcom please step your game up.

Peace and one love.

Turricane

I remember when I was a kid in elementary school me and my friends would have arguments about which system was better. I can remember the arguments vividly…

“The Playstation is better than the N SHITTY FOUR”

“Mario would smash Crash Bandicoot”

“You all sound like idiots… Sonic would split both of them in half”

When I was in school I had a Playstation so I defended Sony’s name like I had a stake in its stock. I was a Sony Fanboy. I wore the S on my scrawny chest with self-importance like a smug guy that drives a hybrid car.  I didn’t care what Sony was doing wrong… no no no … it didn’t matter… I wanted to see the great Nintendo fall from grace. I wanted to see it crash and burn, I wanted to see the great Shigeru Miyamoto bow at Sony’s feet. I laughed and celebrated when that thing they call a game SUPERMAN 64 came out and got shamefully horrible scores. I defended Sony’s detractors like a Fox News pundit trying to defend their imaginary news channel….

But I ask myself why did I do this?

It was because my parents didn’t have the money to get me a Nintendo 64, so to make myself feel better about the state of affairs I decided to hate Nintendo because I didn’t have one. I think my fanboyism as an adolescence was completely ordinary but if I acted the same way as an adult it would be looked at as psychotic. People would say…

“Why is an adult arguing about a hollow plastic box that is filled with chips and wires?”

I’m looking at you NEOGAF.

Neogaf was one of my favorite sites to go log into and talk to some of my fellow videogame maniacs about the industry and games but somewhere down the line it turned into a sanctuary where some of the most despicable and detestable fanboys in all of gaming consort. An example of fanboyism gone wild is when the Egm/ 1up crew got laid off there were a bunch of people on the Neogaf forums that were actually happy that they got laid off…. that ‘s correct…. HAPPY!

Why were they blissful you ask?

Because apparently the 1up squad showed “Favoritism” towards the XBOX 360″. So let’s get this straight you’re going jeer a person who lost their job in this terrible economy just because they don’t like the video game console you own. Obsessive fanboys (especially the ones over the age of twenty one) please let go of your controllers and get a girl, dude or whatever you’re into and fall in love with a human being. You can’t have sex with a Wii it’s impossible. Well I’m not going to say impossible because there is probably a fanboy out there who found a way. Your system isn’t alive. Just because the Sony ad says “its living” doesn’t mean your PS3 has a pulse.

I used to be a fanboy but thanks to Neogaf I’m no longer one. 

Peace and One Love

Turricane

5. Halo 3: ODST- XBOX 360

I’m hearing that this expansion will be more tactical than previous entries in the series.

4. Resident Evil 5- Playstation 3, XBOX 360

Resident Evil 4 was one of the greatest games of all time and now the next installment in the series has to live up to high expectations.

3. Uncharted: Among Thieves- Playstation 3

The Dude Raider is back in all of his HD glory.

2. Street Fighter 4- Playstation 3, XBOX 360

I actually got a chance to play this game and all I can say is… Sonicboom in HD.

1. Killzone 2- Playstation 3

The graphic alone is worth a purchase in my opinion.

America’s horrible economy just claimed another victim and it appears that EGM magazine/ 1UP is over… well 1UP.com is technically still around but it has been striped of most of the people I grew up listening to. Shane is gone…. Milkman is gone… Donahoe is gone…. 1up yours (my favorite video game podcast of all time) GONE!!! The bible of video games Electronic Gaming Monthly GONE!!!

You know what I blame Bush…. Yeah Bush is the cause of everything that is wrong in America. Fuck bailing out the Banks. I want my hard earned tax dollars to go to bailing out the 1up network. BAIL OUT 1UP!!!!